At Hospice of Havasu, our care and compassion extends beyond the patient. The entire family can be affected by the sense of loss and grief. Many times, it helps for a grieving person to know what grief really is.

Grief is a normal and natural, though often painful, response to loss. The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief is likely to be.

Each individual experiences and expresses grief differently. For example, one person may withdraw and feel helpless, while another might be angry and want to take some action. No matter what the reaction, the grieving person needs the support of others.

We also know and are able to share knowledge about the process of grief.

The process of grieving in response to a significant loss requires time, patients, courage, and support. The grieving person will likely experience many changes throughout the process. Those changes may include:

SHOCK is often the initial reaction to loss. Shock is the person’s emotional protection from being too suddenly overwhelmed by the loss. The grieving person may feel stunned, numb, or in disbelief concerning the loss.

SUFFERING is the long period of grief during which the person gradually comes to terms with the reality of the loss. The suffering process typically involves a wide range of feelings, thoughts and behaviors, as well as an overall sense of life seeming chaotic and disorganized.

Some common features of suffering include:

Sadness is often triggered by reminders of the loss and its permanence.

Anger is a frequent response to feeling powerless, frustrated, or even abandoned and may be directed at self, at God, at life in general for the injustice of the loss, at others involved, or at the deceased for dying.

Guilt is a common reaction to things the griever did or failed to do before the loss. For example, a griever may reproach him/herself for hurtful things said or loving things left unsaid.

Anxiety can range from mild insecurity to strong panic attacks; it can also be fleeting or persistent. Often, grievers become anxious about their ability to take care of themselves following a loss.

Our bereavement staff at Hospice of Havasu is experienced in working with those carrying grief.

There are no simple answers, of course, but they will help by listening, by caring and by sharing, privately or in group sessions, all in confidence.

THERE ARE ALSO WAYS YOU CAN HELP A FRIEND OR RELATIVE:

Make contact. Make a phone call, send a card, attend the funeral, bake and deliver cookies.

Provide practical help. Decide on a task you can help with and make the offer.

Be available and accepting. Accept the words and feelings expressed and avoid telling them how they should feel or what they should do.

Be a good listener. Many in grief need to talk about their loss; the person, related events, and their reactions. Allow grievers to tell their stories and express their feelings.

Exercise patience. Give bereaved people “permission” to grieve for as long or short a time as needed.

Encourage self-care. Encourage bereaved people to attend to physical needs, postpone major decisions, allow themselves to grieve and to recover.

Model good self-care. It’s important for you to maintain a realistic and positive perspective, to maintain your own life and responsibilities.